What Makes It All Worthwhile

the nights spent alone,
the days walking alone.
what makes the pain gone,
is the way your face shone.

i can't wait to be home,
the only home sweet home.
the way you'd smile,
makes me feel not vile.

be it months, be it days,
constant the heart beat stays.
the look on your face,
gives my body its grace.

cannot be hidden,
cannot be forbidden.
your zeal makes me smile,
makes it all worthwhile.

Am I Or Am I?

I was just going about my daily routine of googling random stuff and reading them up. pretty helpful, i tell you!

So, erm, yeah, i was reading about depression and symptoms and stuff. according to most the sites, copy pasted below are some symptoms. or major symptoms, if you will. i just couldn't help but try to self-diagnose a bit.

• Depressed mood - erm. more often than not, i find myself slightly depressed. but then, it changes back to normal just like that too. 
• Loss of interest or pleasure in activities you used to enjoy - i don't know remember doing anything in particular that i enjoyed. hmm.. now that IS weird!
• Feelings of guilt, hopelessness and worthlessness - this could be me and my low self-esteem sometimes. *shrugs* but not the worthlessness! come on, everyone knows how worthy i am! 
• Suicidal thoughts or recurrent thoughts of death - this is a definite NO NO! i wouldn't dream of killing myself. i don't need a one way ticket to hell. 
• Sleep disturbance (sleeping more or sleeping less) - i do find it hard to sleep sometimes. like tonight for instance! usually slight insomnia accompanies me on nights i am entertaining the mood swinging part of me. always thought that was weird! 
• Appetite and weight changes - appetite doesn't change much with me but the weight fluctuations are there but not by much though. :/
• Difficulty concentrating - i think this has more to do with me not wanting to study at all than actual depression. muwahaha.
• Lack of energy and fatigue - fatigue, nope. lack of energy, yes.

i forgot the point of this post. O.o 

oh yeah, so i was wondering if i am actually depressed or just a regular woman with a lot of hormonal shit going on?

and that is a rhetorical question, ladies and gentlemen!

PS. in case someone really depressed is reading this; 

What Am I Looking For?

for the first time in my life, i truly wanted to sleep last night. just sleep and never wake up. i was longing for peace. longing for silence. longing for contentedness. i kept feeling like something is missing in life. something that i really really want. something i need.

this thought kept me up for hours. but i still don't have the answers. what is it that i am looking for? if i don't know this, how can i try to look for it?

i thought that i could sleep it off. but alas, here i am, wide awake in the morning trying to still figure it out. what is my mind trying to tell me?

what am i looking for?

A Day Of Firsts...

today [no wait, it's technically yesterday because it was before 12 0' clock], a series of firsts has happened leaving me all freaked out.

1. my dad initiated on making everyone go to moodhu.

2. i played volleyball [or any sport at all] with my dad.

3. my burugaa decided to go off my head while i was in moodhu. [this reminds of bulhaa because i think this has happened to her like twice or something.]

4. the second i finished the whole business of getting the burugaa back on my head, the first thing it thought was, this needs to go on my blog.

:/ right?

i know for people reading this, this might not sound a tad bit of unusual or freaky but for anyone who knows me well will know what i am saying. these things don't happen to me. at all.

and below is the first image that came up when i googled "a day of firsts"

now, how creepy is this? i mean, c'mon, [if i take that saying literally] i'd hate it if my burugaa decides to run off my head everytime i go to moodhu!

Once Upon A Time...

Once upon a time... I used to blog!

it's been ages since i last blogged. even more than a year i guess. i blame it all on twitter!

when i started twitter, not many of my friends were there then. but when all of a sudden twitter became so popular, every blogger friend of mine forgot blogging and moved onto tweeting! i guess i don't blame them coz thats what happened to me too.

i think i have to give credit to Ashraf. i saw him blog today and i just couldn't help but remember the thrill blogging used to give me back then.

so, i'm here again [this time hopefully i won't stop] and i'm here to stay!

i hereby welcome me back to the blogosphere and make it my new year's resolution to keeping blogging all year long!